Jokes section here… [update]

MAT Pitt PERGI INTERVIEW

Suatu hari Mat Pitt pergi interview di sebuah syarikat kawalan keselamatan sebagai pegawai keselamatan atau lebih ‘femes’ sebagai pakguard la kn..

Bos : Adakah kamu seorang yang malas?

Mat Pitt : Tidak Bos

Bos : Adakah kamu seorang yang bodoh?

Mat Pitt : Tidak Bos

Bos : Bagus, adakah kamu seorang yang lemah?

Mat Pitt : Tidak Bos

Bos : Jadi kamu memang tiada kelemahan dalam kerja ini. Jikalau ada, apa kelemahan kamu?

Mat Pitt: Saya suka bohong orang bos

Bos : Cit, ingatkan ko ni bagus sangat… ??!!Adeiii!!

Chinglish

You might like this. This is hilarious… even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.

AhLek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10. Notonly did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1.
This is what he came up with… 1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw up. So I gointo 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run away.

So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say Iam 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don’t understand, I so nice 2 him but I don’t know what he 1.

Beza British English & Malaysian English

Who says our English is bad? Just see below – Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc………

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons : I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t seem to have the sweater you wantin your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians : No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons : Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians : Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Britons : Excuse me, I’d like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians : S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons : Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians :No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians : (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons : Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians : Don’t be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons : I don’t recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians : Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons : I’d prefer not to do that, if you don’t mind.
Malaysians : Don’t want la…

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons : Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you’re
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians : You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons : Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I’m trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians : Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians : See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons : We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians : Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons : Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians : Wat happen Why like that….

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons : This isn’t the way to do it here let me show you,
Malaysians : like that also don’t know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons : Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians :cilaka !!

Hahahahahah…Read it & Enjoy!!

Lawak 1

Pintu bilik dibuka dengan kuat dan mengejutkan sepasang suami isteri yang sedang tidur nyeyak… Seorang lelaki dengan wajah garang mengacukan senjata tajam ke arah si isteri… .Perompak : “Sebelum kamu mati kubunuh, sebutkan namamu!”

Isteri : “Na… nama sa… saya… Aisyah”
Perompak : “Aisyah? nampaknya sama dengan nama ibuku. Aku tidak boleh membunuhmu,” lalu dia mendekati si suami dan sambil mengacukan senjatanya ia berkata,
Perompak : “Sebutkan namamu. Aku mesti tahu nama setiap orang yang menjadi korbanku.”
Suami : “Namaku Irwan.. tapi… . semua orang memanggilku Aisyah… .”

Lawak 2

Di sebuah Mall yang sesak dengan pengunjung.. ada satu alat pengukur berat badan yang cukup canggih.. Hanya dengan membayar RM 1.00 kita akan diberitahu berapa berat badan kita oleh program komputer. Seorang gadis dan temannya mencuba di tengah kerumunan orang.. Setelah memasukkan wang RM 1.00.. mesin komputer menjawab: “47 kg! “Gadis kedua cuba untuk menimbang, dan mesin komputer menjawab: “52 kg!”Setelah beberapa minit datang seorang wanita yang cukup gemuk dan montel cuba menimbang dirinya di mesin itu. Setelah memasukkan wang RM 1.00.. mesin komputer mengeluarkan jawapan: “Tolong naik sorang-sorang.. jangan ramai- ramai!”

Lawak 3

Terdapat 3 orang gila yg mengambil ujian perlepasan hospital . lalu doktor itu bertanya kepada org gila yg pertama, “apa yg kau mahu bawa jika berada di gurun”, orang gila itu menjawab ‘payung, sebab kalau panas saya boleh berteduh’ . Lalu org gila itu dilepaskanDoktor itu menanya soalan yg sama kepada org gila kedua, lalu dia menjawab ” saya akan bawa air, sebab kalau saya haus saya boleh minum” lalu org gila itu dilepaskan.

Doktor itu menujukan soalan yang sama kepada org gila ketiga lalu dia menjawab” saya akan bawa pintu kereta sebab kalau panas saya boleh menurunkan cermin tingkap… ” lalu org gila itu dimasukkan kembali ke hospital”.

HANTU TERKEJUT

Salim : Semalam aku nampak hantu!

Ejam : Uih! kau terkejut tak?

Salim : Taklah…. hantu tu yang terkejut tengok aku.

Ejam: Mana kau tahu?

Salim : Aku tengok muka dia pucat semacam jer….

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~ by alepinho87 on March 28, 2008.

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